An Open Letter To Eve, Mother of the Human Race:
Yo, lady! Yeah, you over there in the fig leaf. You know, we wear 'em a little lower on the hips, now. None of that tapered sh*t, either. Just sayin'.
I have a serious bone to pick with you. I am currently typing this with what feels like a Mack truck through my skull. Not a MAC truck, because then I would at least have makeup on, which I don't, because this migraine is making me feel like f*cking crap and lip gloss ain't gonna fix the problem.
Not gettin' it yet, huh? Almost forgot, we've evolved bigger brains since your heyday. Let me spell it out for you then... ORIGINAL SIN. You got to shake your tits at that asshat Adam and make him take a big ol' bite of an apple a day, keeps the Garden away, and *I* get to have migraines every month? Sister, you are a piece of work. You couldn't have held out for a cheesecake tree? We could at least have chilled out with a big piece and watched "Desperate Handmaidens" or something.
I'm wasting my time, here. I at least have something you don't have: a big bottle of Aleve and a Tupperware full of Oreo cheesecake truffles. (Whoops, I ate those already. B*tch. It's not like they grow on trees, thanks to you.) Oh, and a bellybutton. It'll look great in my bikini...soon as the bloating goes down.
Disrespectfully yours,
Your Great-great-great-great-great-great-great (how many "greats" are in 6,800 years, anyway?) granddaughter.
P.S. To Adam: I hope it was worth it, you perv. You realize it's all your fault guys have to put up with our crap.
I'm sorry about the migraine...but your post made me laugh!
Posted by: Suebob | June 21, 2008 at 08:19 AM
glad to see your back!
Posted by: -M | June 21, 2008 at 06:07 PM
Hey, good to see you're posting again! Sorry about the migraine. Total suckage. May you feel better very soon!
Posted by: Beth | June 23, 2008 at 09:10 PM
Missing you!
Posted by: liz | December 10, 2008 at 12:03 PM
I'm glad my migraines are long past. Hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: Geri | December 16, 2008 at 06:36 PM
Funny!
Posted by: the Provident Woman | August 06, 2009 at 02:40 PM
You just made my day!
Posted by: auto glass | December 20, 2010 at 03:10 AM
Thanks for sharing it. This was funny!
Posted by: Auto Glass Phoenix | March 16, 2011 at 02:07 AM
Its good that your back!
Posted by: Auto Glass Mesa | March 23, 2011 at 02:19 AM
I feel so bad when migraine attacts me...have rest....
Posted by: Windshield Repair Phoenix | April 04, 2011 at 02:16 AM
This is great very funny, thanks for coming back.
Posted by: Windshield Replacement Phoenix | April 05, 2011 at 03:09 AM
Hey,I'm glad that you've posted again. Hope you're doing great.
Posted by: Cash For Cars Phoenix | April 07, 2011 at 03:12 AM
Glad that you are back
Posted by: Windshield Replacement Phoenix AZ | April 27, 2011 at 07:00 PM
Nice to see u again
Posted by: Windshield Replacement Phoenix | April 27, 2011 at 07:01 PM