She Moves Her Body Like A Psycho

"Mad dogs and Englishmen", Dave remarked to me this afternoon, after I returned home from my midday, 9.3-mile walk in the 90-degree heat.  I like to take my long weekend walks while Seph is napping, but next time we're in the middle of a heat wave, I think I'll get my lazy behind up early, instead.  I didn't realize quite how exhausted I must have looked until I was walking under the freeway overpass (my "carrot-on-a-stick today was walking to the Coinstar to trade in a whole bunch of change for an iTunes gift card), and a young man honked his car horn at me and yelled, "You look hot!".  I didn't for one second believe that he was referring to how said lazy behind was looking in my black spandex running tights (hey, they wick sweat, that's all I care about).  Instead I felt my face, which had stopped sweating, and immediately drank some more water. 

What was I doing, walking such a distance in the heat?  Well, not like we were going to be headed to any San Diego beaches, that's for sure.  After the tragic fatal attack of a triathlete by a great white shark this week, I'm starting to think maybe being a couch potato is not as bad for your health as previously believed. 

The truth is, my left knee is still clunking ominously after a few miles of running, and I've been taking it easy on it for one extra day a week, substituting a very long walk for a short run to minimize the high-impact pounding.  I've also, for the first time, starting using the elliptical trainer- the one where your arms move, too.  Let's just say, I've discovered a way to make myself look even more ridiculous than simply sporting spandex. 

I know what you're going to say- elliptical machines are easy, right?  Sure they are, as long as you don't think too hard about what you're doing.  A long time ago I read a poem about a millipede who was tooling around just fine until someone asked her which foot went first when she started to walk.  Now put that poor millipede in Lycra and a sports bra and give her an iPod so she can garrote herself with the headphone cords and you have a basic idea of what my first ride on this beast looked like.   I flailed and flopped around madly like a reject from a Peter Sellers movie.  Then I got the rhythm, until a song I didn't like came on (how did that happen?  I picked out all the music on my iPod), and I reached over to hit the "fast forward" button and ended up RUNNING BACKWARD on the machine.  The good news is, I got my heart rate up, all right!  A friend remarked that this "sounds like a commercial!", and I agree...I just don't know for WHAT.  Coordination?  Ace bandages?  A remote for the iPod??

I am still tired and falling asleep at my keyboard...I'd get up and go to bed, but I can't remember which foot goes first...have a great Monday, everyone!

Comments

[Bob]

LOL! I guess you won't be doing any 3am informercials for home gyms then?

[Suebob]

It's so sad when "You look hot" changes from a pickup line to a comment about temperature.

[jenevieve]

Deb, hello! Sorry I've been a ba bloggy friend and haven't stopped by in awhile. Glad to see that Seph is still cute an that you're still hilarious. Any chance of being in socal this summer? I'd cook for you...

[Kandace]

You say a 9.3 mile walk all breezy, like any of us humans can do it. Ha! But, really, just WOW about doing it in the 90 degree heat - that is insane!